


Skaian Gladiator

by NervousOtaku (orphan_account)



Series: Tales of a 144 Player Fansession! [33]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Obstacle course, SBURB Fan Session, Swearing, Unrequited Crush, lots of talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 15:45:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10722345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/NervousOtaku
Summary: Or: Putting Unwilling Participants Through Complex And Highly Athletic Courses Is A Great Way To Start Up World-Ending Rages





	Skaian Gladiator

" _Motherfuck!_ "

Karen howled in delight.

"Shut the fuck up and get the fuck back here so I can fucking murder you you fucking bitch!" Caitlin screamed from where she was scrabbling at the ledge. A second later, there was a squawk, followed by a splash and a shrill scream.

"Babe, are you sure you don't want help?" Shane called down from where he was across the gap.

"Fuck you! Fuck your mom! Fuck your sprite! You have no tits!"

"That's creative..." Quince muttered darkly as he leapt nimbly over the sludge-pit.

"It's actually one of her defaults when she gets cranky." Mariam sighed from the Prince's back. She had, in a way, cheated for a good portion of the course by riding on her boyfriend's shoulders. Not that it really affected him, he was strong enough to shatter reality if he put his mind to it.

Caitlin, Shane, Mariam, Devon, Alan, Quince, Bob, Jackie, and Rowan were trying out one of the obstacle courses on Karen's planet. The Land of Fireworks and Contest looked like an American Gladiator fan's wet dream, full of all kinds of physical courses designed to push people to their limits. Caitlin and Devon were both sincerely regretting the decision to tag along, Alan appearing to have simply zoned out. Andie had been invited, but she said she'd wait until she god-tiered and regained her flesh body. There was a fair amount of water and sludge on the courses, she didn't want to damage her circuitry. The Rogue of Space was looking like he wanted to teleport over to the Sylph's planet. Mariam, while not athletic, was cheating. Caitlin...

"Don't fucking touch me, I will rape your corpse!"

"Charming." Quince said darkly.

"Isn't it, though?" Jackie snickered. The Heir was skipping ahead, up near Karen. The course was nothing to her. Parkour and obstacle courses went hand-in-hand, this was her element. She even had her favorite ball out and was doing tricks as she went.

"She isn't always like that... Karen called us up while she was trying to sleep, and... well... circadian rhythms are something a lot of people take for granted..." Mariam sighed in explanation as Devon and Shane stayed with Caitlin. "She's a swordswoman, not an athlete. The two are very different things."

"But!" Rowan sang as they came to a zipline. "But, but, but! In this world, we may come into situations where this sort of talent may be needed! Aisling already found a way to walk on water!"

Bob sighed, shaking his head. He paused, looking back at Caitlin and the two Rogues. The Seer had finally crossed the sludge-pit. She looked like a wet cat, bedraggled and murderous.

Looking ahead brought his attention to Jackie again.

Another sigh left him.

"Have you tried just telling her?" Alan asked as he trudged by.

"Yes!... sorta. No. Not really." the Knight mumbled.

"Maybe you should quote-unquote trip and knock her into a ball-pit. While you're in there, get a grope in."

"... No."

"Meh."

With that, Alan trudged on, coming even with Mariam, Quince, and Rowan. They were arguing over Caitlin's disposition and Aisling's lily-jumping.

"Our great and noble leader is being moony again." he said flatly, deliberately walking over the edge of the course and vanishing. He didn't come back up. A glance over the edge showed him floating dully on his back in the water below.

"Do _you_ want help?" Quince offered.

"I'm good. Leave me to mildew. Check in when Dev's ready to go frogging again."

"Cool, mate." Rowan nodded, flashing a double thumbs-up before bolting away, careening into Karen. The two howled with laughter.

Bob sighed for a third time as he caught up with Mariam and Quince.

"Moony indeed." the Sylph observed sympathetically.

"Just tell her. I'll have to kill her otherwise." Quince suggested. For a while now, Jackie had been of the idea that Bob liked Mariam. As a result, the Heir had tried more than once to break Quince and Mariam up. He wasn't fond of the street-performer as a result.

"You really should. It's not healthy." Mariam agreed.

Before Bob could say anything, there was a yowl from Shane to watch out.

A ball of slime hurtled past, ear-level to most of them. It slammed into the back of Karen's head, toppling her and causing her to slam into the wall she'd been aiming to jump.

" _Hah!_ Gotcha, _bitch!_ " Caitlin crowed, suddenly flying past everyone, her feet thumping hard against the surface of the course. As the Seer scrabbled over the wall, using Karen as a springboard, Jackie tackled her. The two vanished in a series of hisses and shrieks.

"... I see why you have the title of mom-friend." Quince remarked.

"... I'm not proud of it." Mariam replied.


End file.
